How to Pray for Someone Else, Using Paul's Own Prayer List

Someone tells you about the scan next week, or the job that fell through, and says, “Would you pray for me?” You say yes and mean it. Later, alone, you get as far as “God, please help them” and stall. And if you are honest, a few of those promises have quietly slipped by Thursday.

Here is how to pray for someone else with more than a single line: why a simple prayer already counts, the five things Paul asked for when he prayed for other people, what to ask the person first, and a way to keep the promise.

A simple prayer for someone is a real prayer

Start here, because it takes the pressure off. “Lord, please be with Sam today” is not a lesser prayer than a long one. It names a person, it brings them to God, and it asks for help. That is what praying for someone else is.

The church has a word for it: intercession. Paul names it plainly in 1 Timothy 2:1 (NIV): “I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people.” Notice that he does not attach a word count. Short prayers count. Clumsy prayers count. A name said quietly at a red light counts.

So if all you have managed so far is “God, please help them,” you have already started. The rest of this guide is about giving that prayer more shape when you want it, not about replacing it. If you would like a general frame for your own prayers, our guide on what to pray about when the words will not come covers that. Here the focus is one thing: praying for another person.

What Paul asked for when he prayed for other people

Most of us pray for circumstances: the test result, the job, the hard week. Those are good things to bring to God. But when Paul told a church what he prayed for them, he asked for something else. Here is Colossians 1:9-12 in the NIV:

“We have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father.”

Read it slowly and count the asks. There are five, and almost none of them are about circumstances. Paul prays for who the person is becoming. That makes it a template you can use for anyone, whether you know their situation in detail or not. We turned it into a table you can pray from.

You do not need all five every time. Pick the one row that fits, put the person’s name in it, and pray it. On a day when you have more time, pray down the whole list. Either way, you have moved past “help them” using words Paul himself used.

Ask before you pray: three questions for the person

When someone says “please pray for me,” the most useful thing you can do first is ask a follow-up. Three questions cover most of it:

• “What would you like me to pray for?” The answer is often different from what you assumed. A friend with a sick child may most want prayer for her own strength to keep going.
• “Is any of this private?” Some requests are fine to share with a small group. Some are not. Ask, and then keep your word.
• “Can I check in with you about it later?” This turns a passing promise into a real one, and it gives you a reason to remember.

If you are standing together, you can also ask, “Can I pray for you right now?” A thirty-second prayer on the spot can mean a great deal, and it means the promise is already kept before you walk away.

Where our prayers for others usually stop, and the next step

A 2014 Lifeway Research online survey of 1,137 Americans asked people what they actually pray about. When they pray, 82% said they typically focus on friends and family, and 74% on their own problems. Further out, the numbers drop. Among Americans who pray, 41% said they have prayed for people who mistreated them, 37% have prayed for their enemies, 38% typically pray for people affected by natural disasters, and only about one in five pray for people of other faiths or no faith.

This is a map, not a scolding. Praying for the people you love is good and right, and most of us start there. Ed Stetzer, then executive director of Lifeway Research, put the pattern plainly: “Most people pray when they need the red phone for help.” The data is a decade old, so treat it as a rough sketch rather than a portrait of today.

For a more recent picture of how often Americans pray at all, Pew Research Center’s Religious Landscape Study found in its 2023-24 survey that 44% of U.S. adults pray at least once a day. Pew did not ask whom they pray for, so it is context only.

The next step is small. Look at the circles in that survey and add one ring past where your prayers usually stop. If your list is family, add a neighbor. If it already includes neighbors, add someone who sees the world differently from you. Paul’s five asks work just as well for them.

Praying for someone who hurt you

This is the hardest ring. Jesus speaks to it directly in Matthew 5:44 (NIV): “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

You do not have to feel warm to do this. One way to start is a single honest sentence: “Lord, I bring You this person. I cannot pray much for them yet. Help me.” Paul’s first ask, that they would know God’s will, is often the easiest place to begin, because it hands the person to God rather than asking you to manage them. If the hurt is deep and forgiveness feels out of reach, our guide on how to forgive someone who hurt you goes further.

One clear line: praying for someone is not the same as trusting them again, and it never means staying where you are not safe. If someone is harming you, talk to a pastor or a counselor, and get to safety first. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free, confidential support around the clock. We are app builders, not pastors, and this is exactly the kind of moment for real people who can sit with you.

Keeping the promise: a list tied to something daily

Here is the honest part. You say “I’ll pray for you” on Sunday and mean it completely. By Thursday the name has slipped. That is not a sign you do not care. It is what happens to any good intention that has no place in the day.

The fix is to give the list a place. Write the names down, then attach praying for them to something that already happens every day: the first coffee, the drive to work, or a daily Bible chapter. When the anchor comes round, the list comes with it. One habit, not two.

If you have tried to keep a prayer habit before and it faded, that is common, and it does not mean the next try will go the same way. Our guide to praying consistently walks through anchors and fresh starts in more depth.

Whatever anchor you choose, keep the list short enough to pray in a minute or two. Five names is plenty to start. Next to each name, note the one row from Paul’s table that fits them this week. That turns a list of worries into a list of prayers.

When you check back with someone and hear how things went, write that down too. Seeing the list change over time is one of the quiet encouragements of praying for others. And on the days when prayer feels flat and you are only saying names, that still counts. Our piece on praying when you don’t feel it is for those days.

For anyone on your list who is sick, our guide to Bible verses about healing reads the main passages in context, so you can pray them with care.

Frequently asked questions

What do you say when you pray for someone?

Start with their name and what they asked for. If you want more shape, borrow Paul's five asks from Colossians 1:9-12: that they would know God's will, have wisdom and understanding, live a life worthy of the Lord, be strengthened to endure with patience, and give joyful thanks. One or two sentences is enough.

Does praying for someone else actually work?

Christians pray for one another because Scripture asks them to. James 5:16 (NIV) says to "pray for each other so that you may be healed" and that "the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." That is not a promise of a particular result on a particular timeline. If unanswered prayer weighs on you, talk it through with a pastor.

How do I pray for someone who is sick?

Pray for them by name: for healing, for comfort and strength while they wait, and for the doctors and family caring for them. Praying and encouraging good medical care go together. For the key passages, see our guide to Bible verses about healing.

How do I pray for someone who hurt me?

Jesus says in Matthew 5:44 (NIV), "love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." You can start with one honest sentence that hands them to God. Praying for someone is not the same as trusting them or staying where you are not safe. If you are being harmed, talk to a pastor or counselor and get to safety first.

Should I tell someone I am praying for them?

It is a judgment call. A short message such as "I prayed for you this morning" can be a real encouragement, especially to someone who asked. If the request was private, keep it private, and let the message go only to them.